Musings of the Past

It is worth considering that one of the primary purposes of Christ’s life, of God becoming Man, is to show that all things have their due process. For God Himself was subject to time and process, as time and process are God’s Will. The Gospel is a story, as all things are stories: nothing is simultaneous; to all things are given a time, a place and a season. The cosmos were not created in the blink of an eye but were formed in stages. And the world is not set in cycles as is often believed, but instead in spirals: events and movements which resemble previous experiences, but which have truly moved passed them. 

It is of course “spiritual” integrity which purifies and expands the soul: earnest and sincere desire to align oneself to the nature of God— for we are not of our own nature. Human virtue consists of studying God’s law (something reflected everywhere around us, readily perceived by our conscience, readily experienced by our consequences) and internalizing it in one’s heart.

It is worth commenting on the belief many subconsciously hold that there are individuals who are without a soul.

We say this of those we deem to be evil, or thoroughly corrupted. To be sure the phrase has been inappropriately applied to those of whom we have a small disagreement with more than it has been applied properly to one who ought to be called “souless”. 

Americans in particular suffer from the tendency to hyperbolize, a very obvious disease of the mind. Notwithstanding, there are indeed those who could be considered as lacking a soul, and appropriately referred to as evil. 

Perhaps it would do us well to contemplate this idea; herein is suggested the possibility that mankind has only the soul which they have created for themselves in this life. 

The Breath of Life, is God-given. But what we make of ourselves is something we very literally give to God. At the time of death the idea that we may go to heaven or hell is largely dependent on the true intentions of our heart: whether we could be called virtuous or terrible. 

This is because the spirit is perceived as a real substance that has been created or at the very least cultivated by us. You would not offer the King a glass of muddy water— it would spread illness in the kingdom. Heaven is not able to accept an impure soul because it could no longer be Heaven if it did. It is then reasonable to consider the importance of correcting our characters and purifying our conduct on the basis of true compassion for ourselves (both in this life and the next) and those around us. 

What is left of us at death (our soul) continues to have an influence in our spiritual environment, and is reflected back to us.

As it is, sin leads to a loss of freedom. For as one is bogged down with the unpleasant consequences of one’s immoral actions, one’s inner and external mobility is rendered static: paralyzed by fear within and the hatred from others without.

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In the modern world, and surely in the ancient world as well, mankind often speaks too much. He would like to convince those around him of his progress and whichever of his traits he believes ought to be praised. Probably, it would not be wrong to assume that such a habit comes from the natural use of language— that it, indeed, matters the things we tell ourselves. Our psyche is built by the beliefs we hold, and we naturally magnify these beliefs with our speech. However, superfluous speech is not only a symptom of a superfluous mind, but it perpetuates it as well. 

One does not typically say, “I have changed so much from the person I was a month ago,” if such a thing is actually true. Someone who has really evolved out of the poor habits of their past self will simply look back one day and realize that their time and attention has for so long been occupied by actually productive and reparative thoughts and actions, that their subjective (and therefore objective) reality is now obviously changed for them: they are not a different person, but a more integrated person: a person in the progressive act of being healed.

 The goal is not to run away from ourselves, or to “become someone else”, as this is not actually possible. Nor should we wish it to be. All that we can or would need to be is already an established availability within ourselves.

The goal is to more thoroughly be who we already are. This involves recognizing and repairing the fractures in our lives, and therefore within ourselves, which requires attentive action. We change from the inside out and then back again. 

First we acknowledge there is trauma, arrive at the hopefully proper conclusion about whence that trauma has come, then we actively remove ourselves from the traumatizing factors. 

To accept we have been treated or are treating ourselves with disrespect is a marvelous self discovery. To use our waking moments to discern in which way there has been mistreatment is a very large step, in and of itself, toward recognizing who we are truly supposed to be. And actively taking steps to remove oneself from the circumstance of trauma is where we get to experience the pleasure of who we truly are. 

Because it is surely the most real “you” that you will ever know which seeks to treat yourself with integrity. Even if the ground shakes and you fall down as you escape your harmful past, the bruises you have are the bruises of someone who is willing and able to stand up for what is correct— not the bruises of one who seeks self harm and failure. 

They are the injuries of someone who has learned a thing or two about the truth in their lives— not the wounds of someone who has given up. 

A curious result of treating ourselves with true integrity is that once we have done that, we may also treat others this way as well. Even those who wish us harm— we are more clearly able to understand the human struggle in general, and so will eventually arrive at a point where such intentions are not taken personally, even if they must be responded to. 

A trouble many individuals have is that they immediately believe that within their compassion for others there is a power and a right to save others. This is not the case. There is, within compassion, a power and a right to have mercy on others— to avoid deliberately inflicting further injury on their minds or their bodies, outside, perhaps, of necessary self defense. 

But there is not the power to free them of their troubles, especially if those troubles are self-inflicted. To treat others with integrity is a long and continuous process. It requires patience, just as it did when we learned to do it for ourselves. There are no sudden results. It does not help the lost and confused to inflict upon them yet another agenda (however well intentioned), as it is this sense of being suffocated by the opinions and desires of others which further induces stress in these individuals. 

They wish to be loved and cared for, but before that, they wish to express themselves, and the expressions of one that is in either mental or emotional or physical duress are, as we know, loud and agonized and difficult to meter. You do not say to a man with a broken limb, “keep quiet, I am trying to heal your leg and I require silence.” You approach them with caution and accept that their screams will be loud and unpleasant and incessant even as you coax them to accept the little aid you can give. 

True compassion accepts that there will not necessarily be a thank you, and if at all, it may be a very long time coming. You cannot make it your mission to heal another person, to seek them out for that purpose; just as you should not make it your mission to demand romantic proclamations from one whom is not able to willingly reciprocate. 

You must live your own life; live it well, live it with patience and humility, and the virtues which you possess will call to those around you. Quietly at first, silent as a breeze that has just barely preceded the storm. But eventually like responds to like, and as those around you live their lives and begin to become more and more unsettled and bereft of true meaning and purpose, their hearts will recall and respond to the interactions they have had in which was imbued true meaning— true love and compassion. 

If there is any merit in a person, any seed of compassion at all, they will first seek to save themselves just as you have sought to save yourself. They will ask, and God will answer them. And then, they will answer you. 

You and those around you will never cease finding new and relevant ways to evolve more fully into your latent potential. You and those around you will never fail to be confronted with possible traumas. Some can not be prevented, only henceforth  dealt with and healed. Some certainly can be prevented. And it is within the matrix of preventing and healing which we get to be who we ought to be: the you that is subject to life, as all living things and people are subject to life, but it is you whom is cultivating this soul— and this is the great gift and beauty. 

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When I pray, I do not say “have mercy on me”. Instead I ask that my trangressions be purified. What I hope is not for my failures to be absolved, but grafted into my future sucess. I do not wish to be free of sin, but to forever be in the process of becoming free of sin as I do not believe I can reach perfection.

In the drive and effort to purify oneself is something like “excellence”, and I would like to at least say I have arrived, once or twice, to a state of excellence. We are all constantly attaining, falling short of, and re-attaining excellence. Such is the way of man. 

To become dirty and then to wash oneself is surely nothing to be ashamed of. There is no shame in requiring a good bath!

It is clear that mankind has a need to be reverent. Even to those who seem dastardly is a degree of respect given to their dastardly activities.

In this world, there is a force which pulls us toward spiritual decay. It accrues and magnetizes all manner of people and entities to itself, and grows and grows; the more it grows, the more likely it is to grow. 

It is far simpler to step onto the dark path than it is to step onto the path which is fully lit. The reason is obvious: to be laid bare, to have one’s entire being illumined, can be a garish and at first unpleasant experience. Those who see you may be put off by all that they can see, and anyone who has ever stepped out from a dark house into the full sunlight of mid day will recall how disorienting and uncomfortable it can be, until one properly adjusts to their new perception. 

It is easier to keep to the shadows because the shadows keep us from ourselves; one can claim ignorance in the shadows, even if he deliberately chose to be there. 

But it is known that those that will not take self-responsibility are rather repulsive. We complain about these people; we complain about them even when we know that we are them. 

There are hundreds— nay thousands —of social beliefs in this world. We have our ideas about how women behave, or how they are in their base nature. We have our ideas about children and men and youth and the elderly. We may say, “I have had such and such experience so I know that this is how women are…” or “My child is just seeking attention, that’s what kids do.” 

In actuality, what anybody, what people do, is seek connection. They seek it innately, and do so to such a degree that they may knowlingly settle in a place where they are aware they should not stay, merely because they must be somewhere. 

We base our ideas of demographics around us off of our experience with them. Yet rarely do we properly assess who we are and what we are doing there, in that place, that we should meet them. The fact of the matter is that low-class women are inglorious and whiny and deceitful. Low-class men are cruel and slovenly and pretentious. Low-class children, who learn from each, are a combination of both. 

It is, it should be clear to the reader, not social class to which I am refering, but spiritual class. A virtuous person will be recognized by their manner. You can quite easily tell a person’s true merit by how they behave when approached unexpectadly, or what their response to you may be if you seek their counsel. A dignified person will give you selfless wisdom, or quietly assist you, will most likely listen intently and observe you passively. Notwithstanding individual personalities, a meritous person will set aside their own current concerns when approached with yours, because they are meaning to make a genuine connection with you. 

That we often find ourselves surrounded almost exclusively by low-down behavior should not suggest that this is the highest reach of humanity. All it means is that in a long chain of social interactions only a small few realized and properly activated their better selves because it is extremely difficult at times to see why one should do this. 

If no one else is, then our human tendency to revere and imitate is conflicted. Do we imitate those actually physically present with us, or do we do the exeedingly difficult thing and attempt to imitate an ideal for which we have no present example? 

Of course this is what we should do, and most of us know it. But to truly believe in the results of being a better person is the difficult thing, and it is this true belief which leads one to actually attempt it, despite the road bumps we may come to cross. 

The belief in life getting better is also the relinquishing of control over that life, in a sense. We have to give up individuated ideas of what a better life may look like (the house we want, the car, the material things; the relationship we idealized, the profession we never realized etc.) and focus soley on being simple; humbly responding to those around us, accepting that if one keeps with honesty, sincerity, humility, earnest and unforceful truth-seeking in ourselves and in those around us, discriminating right from wrong, or healthy from unhealthy, but not condeming, we will begin to see opportunities that allow us to flow into a future that actually suits us, just as water flows down the mountain side. 

Surely it is normal to include the people that we actually know, our friends and family, in our ideas about the future— but we keep them near not by forcing them to look a certain way, but instead by waiting for opportunities to interact with them (which most certainly do come) and continuing to respond to those opportunities with the same soul-refining virtues stated above. 

If there is any likeness in spirit between you, true happiness and satisfaction in each other’s company will flourish, and further opportunities to be near will come. If there is not, as sure as the sun will set, decay will set in and opportunities to grow farther and farther apart will surely arise.